Fabric Acquisition Team

Well, That Explains it!

A recent study has indicted that fabric gives off a certain Pheromones that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase ungodly amounts of the stuff. When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e. storing food), therefore perpetuating their species, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut up into pieces and mixed with others.

Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few — a breed of women known as "quilters". When played backward on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants: "Buy me, cut me up, sew me?"

In order to overcome the co-called "feeding" frenzy effect" that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plus to avoid being pulled into their grip.

Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on their human population. They are called FABRIC STORE CLERKS.





Card by Amy Bradley (2002) Amy Bradley Designs




It's also been my experience that these same Pheromones cause a pathological need to secret these fabric purchases away when taken home (or at least blend them into the existing stash), and when asked by a significant other of the fabric is new, the reply is "I've had it for awhile."

(Originally published in August 1997 in the Western North Carolina Quilters Guild Newsletter.)

I found the above article in my mother-in-law's file after she passed away in 1999. She left all her sewing stuff and quilts to me. Talk about a match made in heaven. I now know I was destined to meet my husband so that I would one day meet his mother. She's the one who taught me needlework and got me into quilting.



June 2012 - I just heard from the author of this article!! wonderful! Now I know who actually wrote it - Kathy Smith Harris! You can read Kathy's story about how she came to write this story on her blog http://www.barkingdogsquilting.com/



My friend Candy Midkiff in her "stash room".






(Photo taken by Karen Alexander)>

Fabric Acquisition Team at International Quilt Festival in Houston in 2005, L-R: Ruth Manny (TX), Lea Manny (TX) and Cecile Manny (OR). What a great excuse for getting sisters together! What a hoot these three were! I just had to stop them and take their picture and get their names.